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Memory_Alloy
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Name: Chestnut
Gender: Female
Interests: reading, drawing, doodling, dancing, writing, video games, internet, music, animals, nature, ultimate frisbee, volleyball, soccer, tennis, martial arts, swimming, surfing, eating, sleeping, languages, cultures, history, philosophy, biology, psychology, sociology, food, cooking, chocolate, desserts, anime, manga, plushies, stuffed animals, hats, earrings, bracelets, boxes, randomness, hanging out with friends, movies, bubbles, soap, clouds, origami, knitting, gardening, traveling
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
10/2/2003
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| So...I've had a bunch of crazy career ideas since I was a little kid, and I've just started to think about them again this year. It's not like they're impossible or anything because they are real professions, I just don't know if I'd be able to do them even if I went back in time and studied up. That's why I call them dream jobs. But hey, I want to make a list anyway, just for posterity's sake. Some of them are more recent than others. I'm not sure if you could tell. 1. Manga Artist 2. Professional Drifter 3. DJ 4. Food Critic 5. Author/Illustrator of children's books 6. Wildlife biologist (I never knew you were supposed to specify what kind...) 7. Zoologist (see above) 8. Farmer 9. Painter 10. Veterinarian 11. Translator/Interpretor 12. Host of a show on the Travel Channel, Animal Planet, or Food Network 13. Fashion Designer 14. Voice Actor 15. Singer 16. Professional Winner of Arguments (aka Lawyer) 17. Graffiti Artist 18. Magician 19. Writer 20. Pastry Chef If I think of more I'll add onto this list. Let me know what your dream jobs are! | | |
| Still in Costa Rica.....
I went to Volcan Poas today. I didn't actually get to see the crater or acid lagoon, but that's okay (I saw pictures of them haha.) It was so foggy/misty and white...it felt like I was standing at the edge of the world. Beyond was nothingness. It was incredible.
Today I realized for the first time that I am in a rush to do things and be somewhere (either "be" or "go"...or both) Like all young people, I want action--!! But hiking up the volcano, I realized that all these living things (namely, plants and trees) are content simply to "be." They don't need to do anything or go traveling around anywhere...it reminded me of Ged from Earthsea (lol makes me sound like a nerd) which is where I first learned about this life lesson (i.e. young people=need to do exciting things, old people=content to live a simple life.) I've always thought about how happy I'd be just to settle down somewhere (Bhutan, for example) quit school, become a farmer (raising my own food and animals), and lead a simple life close to nature without the worry/care for money or material things. Like in the olden days...I mean, how cool would that be? (My mom always told me I was born in the wrong era...lol maybe.) But then I could never decide on a place to settle down, which I understood to be my restlessness. I still need to travel the world and experience more things before I pick a home. I've come to realize on this journey that I am a wanderer; I have no true home, I have no favorite place.
But then why is it that sometimes I miss "home"? Sometimes it's because I miss my family (but they're separate from home...I think.) I definitely don't believe/understand the saying, "home is where the heart is." It's a load of....Baloney. (Because my heart is with me, so does that mean I'm at home right now? Baloney. I don't carry my home around with me the way a turtle does.) I was thinking maybe I just miss being able to do my own stuff...like relaxing on the couch without caring what I look like, or cooking my own food with my own utensils...yeah, that's it. Not exactly freedom or independence (I had those in college and on my journey) but maybe....liberty? No, what does that even mean....Privacy? lol. Yeah, that's it. Hit the nail on the head.
I enjoy my solitude. Of course, I also enjoy being social (once in a while), hanging out with friends and going to parties but--not that I prefer being alone--but I think I just need to maintain a balance. Sometimes I just don't feel like exerting the energy to talk to people....makes me sound horrid, I know. But it's true. Maintaining relationships with people is tiresome. It really takes an effort on my part. I wish it came more naturally to me (maybe then it wouldn't sound like a chore. lol. Does that mean I'm naturally an anti-social person? Actually, I'm an introverted person, is that the same thing?) I'm trying to change myself. I know relationships are a necessary part of life and can't be avoided (human beings are social animals, after all.) But sometimes it takes such a toll on me, I wish I could just move far away and become a farmer already. Hahaha.
Well, I've said most of what I wanted to say today. Maybe I'll write more about my trip later. Coming to Costa Rica has been an amazing journey. It has definitely been a life experience for me.
I leave on Tuesday, July 7.
Hasta luego
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| Going to Costa Rica in just TEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god! lol.
I can't believe this is really happening. I'm so excited and nervous!
And I still have two finals to study for! AHHHH!!! And I still have to pack and travel home and go to Six Flags and and and---!!!!
*dies*
lol not really. But I just remembered that I used to write that all the time after reading Naruto chapters. lol. Wow, I can't believe I'm not that into manga and anime anymore...does that mean I've grown up? Maybe matured a little bit? Hahaha. Yeah, I can't remember the last time I got so worked up about fictional characters lol.
Anyways......
COSTA RICA!!!!!!
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| Humans really can get used to anything.
I've been a pretty flexible person all my life, so I can usually adapt to any situation. However, I thought I would never compromise my beliefs/morals. Hmmm. Guess I was wrong. People change. Go figure.
So, for some reason, I got it into my head to run away to Alaska during the summer. lol. I think it's because I saw a link for summer jobs in Alaska, and then the idea just popped into my brain (or vice versa, I can't remember lol.) Yeah, I just have to get away. I love being here in college. I realized it during spring break, when I was taking the bus home. I saw the ocean when we passed through Santa Barbara and I was like, "I already miss Santa Cruz and want to go back." Funny, huh? I haven't been homesick since Thanksgiving/Christmas (which means I've only been homesick once or twice.) And surprisingly enough, the last two weeks I haven't thought about my family at all, almost as if I'd forgotten about them (and when my mom called me on Sunday, I was like, "Oh yeah!" lol like I just remembered she existed. Which is really bad. lol.) It's not like I hate them or anything...I don't know. It's weird.
I really want a pet! A doggie, a kitty, anything please! *sigh* (I miss my bunnies...) But it's not like I'll have enough time to spend with them. Summer is only two months, and then I have to go back to school. My mom and brother hate taking care of animals anyway. I keep thinking that I'll definitely have tons of pets in the future (to make up for not having pets as a kid), but I still won't have time for them if I'm going to be traveling the world (that's my dream.) Sadness.
Okay, so this summer....I seriously don't want to stay at home. During the day is fine since I can ride around on my bike, but at night I have to come home to sleep...which I don't want to do. But if I go to Alaska, where would I stay? Are there youth hostels in Alaska? Haha, I was even thinking of working on a fishing boat (like in this book I read when I was younger) but that's impossible for someone without any experience like me. I'd probably die. Hahaha.
At first I was thinking of going to South America or Costa Rica, but then the language barrier scared me a little (even though I've taken Spanish for almost five years lol. I'm so horrible, I hate myself for not practicing.) Then I thought of going to Thailand (I can speak but I can't read!) so that I can stay with my relatives for free, but then it might be awkward without my mom there (since I've never met them and talk to them about twice a year on the phone.) They're practically strangers, yet I prefer strangers to my own relatives. I don't know. I'm weird. I'm not afraid of traveling alone, but I'm afraid of language barriers and awkwardness. lol. I think it's because if I'm traveling alone in America (or an English-speaking country for that matter), I can always ask people for help, and I can express myself clearly. If I were to travel to South America or Japan, I wouldn't be able to communicate as effectively (although I do understand more than I can speak.) That's what I'm afraid of, I think, that when I'm lost or need something, I won't be able to get my message across. I'll be even more isolated. (Anyways, I don't know if I made much sense or if any of that will hold true later.)
Hmm, maybe I should go to New Zealand...haha. Well, you never know what the future holds. (Youth hostels sound awesome though.) Every second that passes is a new me. I might change my mind. I might decide that I don't want to run away anymore. Maybe I'll be satisfied just riding my bike around. Maybe I won't have enough money, or I'll be too lazy to plan my trip (hahaha, the two most likely reasons.) Or I'll just adapt to the situation. Who knows. People change.
The me who is writing this will not be the me who is reading this.
Have you ever felt like something was missing?
The flow of time is so strange.
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| So life is good.
No matter what.
I keep on living.
All of my past regret and guilt is still with me, but I continue. All of the present worries build up, and I feel like I'm never going to change. I feel like I'm never going to do anything.
It's strange, but I'm not quite content, nor am I unhappy. Some things are so surreal. My past, did it ever happen? I wish there was a way I could go back. But the point I am at right now, how did I get here? I'm sitting at my desk right now, in my room, in college. I never thought I could get to this point. What's to come afterward?
Life is just a dream.
Some days I feel happy and some days I feel sad. Some days I don't really feel anything in particular. Just a vague, ambiguous, ambivalent feeling. Maybe there are too many things to do, too many things to be that I can't make up my mind, so I keep running in circles and jumble everything up. There's never enough time, it seems.
Well, I didn't even know what I wanted to express in this entry. I still don't know. What is this mumbo jumbo that I just wrote?
Haha. Oh well, I just felt like writing something. Me and life, we're doing fine.
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